FeedWhat Pundits Do
January 3, 2007 in Overset
I am about to run out to Pekin Sport & Gun to stock up on ammo, MRE’s, camouflage, and, of course, an assortment of very decorative swords and large knives. I just heard the predictions for 2007 made by Pat Robertson and, with the world about to end and cataclysm just around the corner and I figured I’d better get prepared. (FYI - Here are the 2005 predictions Pat made )
Anyway, if Pat can do this, I figured I could get into the business, as well. I mean, financially he has done pretty well - maybe you will all start sending me cash, too.
So, after some intense meditation while staring into a large, freshly emptied bag of Bugles® snacks, I can boldly predict that in 2007:
I sense there will be a lot of tension between the branches of Federal government, particularly between the Legislative and the Executive. I fear this tension will result in a lack of productivity to really help the people of the country as the lawmakers as they endeavor to take credit for positives they had nothing to do with while passing the blame for the negatives they were responsible for.
2007 will be the year for presidential candidates to declare themselves. Someone you have never heard of before will run. Also, someone you completely detest will run. Furthermore, someone you wish would run will not. Before the end of 2007, you will already be sick of the 2008 presidential race.
The groundhog at my grandpa’s farm will see a shadow on February 2, 2007, when he wakes up from hibernation. That shadow will be mine as I stand there with a 12 ga loaded with #2 buckshot. (gramps hates groundhogs.)
Hundreds upon hundred of people will die in Iraq. Much of the carnage will be broadcast into our homes as this will happen under intense media scrutiny. Thousands upon thousands of people will die in Africa, mostly to go unnoticed by the American media and general public. The media will, however, be certain to focus hours of attention on the underwear (or lack thereof) and social life of Britney, Paris, and Lindsey.
In the City of Peoria, there will be at least a half-dozen unsolved murders during the year. There will be, collectively, hundreds of witnesses, but no one will see anything. Also, Fire Station 11 will not re-open.
In 2007, there is no danger that you will win the lottery. You will also, at some point, look at your checkbook balance and wonder, “Where the hell did it all go?”
During a March or April thunderstorm, reporters will be shown live, on camera, outside, telling people how bad it is outside and why they should stay inside. Also making huge weather-related news, extreme heat in July and August forcing many in Central Illinois to rely on air conditioning for comfort.
Microsoft will release a new Operating System that is buggy and full of security holes.
At some point in 2007, you will want to go out for lunch, but not know where you’d like to go. Your co-workers will also be perplexed when asked about dining options. Most likely, you will just go to Subway (again).
Also in 2007, you will complain about your job. If you are married, you will complain about your spouse.
In October, the Chicago Cubs defeat the Minnah-SO-tah? Twins in the World Series in six games. Jason Marquis goes 0-2 but is named Co-MVP with Derek Lee because they each hit 6 HR during the series.
So it is written….
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:10 am
I think Robertson’s predictions have a better chance of coming true than the Cubs winning — heck, even going to — the World Series.
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:14 am
C.J.: As my late friend Acidman used to say, someone is just BEGGING for a ceremonious delinking.
;-P
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:25 am
Anon:
When you go to Pekin Gun and Ammo stay away from the cheese and veggie omelet and jumbalaya MRE’s they’re the worst!
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:18 am
The predictions were REALLY believable until that last one… I’m not gonna hold it against you though - I PREDICT that you will get more right then Pat Robertson will ever get right.
January 3rd, 2007 at 10:35 am
Aw geez don’t give Pat any more attention. He must be senile.
January 3rd, 2007 at 11:03 am
11Bravo - I am partial to the ravioli, myself.
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:12 pm
Buy ammo online…..Prices at Pekin gun are way too high.
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:35 pm
Oh, I do when I need a thousand rounds of FMJ. Sometimes you just need a single box of JHP, so I go where ever.
The main thing is, if Wiscosin invades, I am ready to defend northern Tazewell County.
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:35 pm
Oh, I do when I need a thousand rounds of FMJ. Sometimes you just need a single box of JHP, so I go where ever.
The main thing is, if Wisconsin invades, I am ready to defend northern Tazewell County.
January 3rd, 2007 at 12:40 pm
Why jougotta problim with dem bois from up nort, eh?
January 3rd, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Heck, If Wisconsin or even Chicago invades south of I80, My primary concern will be fighting off the hoards moving north up Western.
January 3rd, 2007 at 2:55 pm
Does anyone here NOT look at the checkbook and go “where has it all gone?” already?
I’ll be sending you my check for $1000 shortly (guaranteed to bounce), Reverend Mouse!
January 3rd, 2007 at 9:15 pm
Mr. Mouse…love the post.
January 4th, 2007 at 7:37 am
“During a March or April thunderstorm, reporters will be shown live, on camera, outside, telling people how bad it is outside and why they should stay inside. Also making huge weather-related news, extreme heat in July and August forcing many in Central Illinois to rely on air conditioning for comfort.”
I’d love to see a tree come down and bury them as they are doing their reporting. That would be news worth watching.
March 31st, 2007 at 8:43 am
I have found Pekin Gun and Sporting Goods to have the most competitive ammo prices in Central Illinois…usually better than Wal-mart. My current understanding of Illinois law is that it is illegal for an Illinois resident to purchase loaded ammunition online. Did I miss something?
October 12th, 2007 at 3:46 am
Glad to see someone is staying on top of things.