Trail advocates are baby-eating Satanic cultists

February 21, 2007
By Billy Dennis

sabbat.jpgIt makes perfect sense. That’s why they are so fanatic about building a trail. They want easy access to wooded areas to they can perform their bizarre rituals, such as dancing naked around trees in the full moon, which summons their demon masters. Before long, they are engaging in wild orgies (pictured, at right), stopping only to feast on babies. The trail would give easy access to people’s homes, making it easier to snatch dinner.

I mean, have you ever heard any of these people DENY that they are baby-eating Satanists? Me neither. There’s gonna be something going on there, or else there would be a denial on prominent trail advocate blogs. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.

End Sarcasm.

But seriously folks, if this thing ever gets built, and people start noticing mutilated animal carcasses and Ouija boards on the side of the trial, don’t come running to me, ’cause I warned you.

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6 Responses to “ Trail advocates are baby-eating Satanic cultists ”

  1. Ed Sanders on February 21, 2007 at 10:52 am

    My late mother said several years before she passed that there were Satanists holding their cult meetings in Glen Oak Park near Springdale Cemetary. I am not sure where she heard of this, but now I believe that it must be true. The hiker/biker trail will not use the railroad near Woodruff HS and Averyville, but instead will go along lower GlenOak Park, through the cemetary and under War Drive using the tunnel. What better place for Satan worshipers to hang out? We need a preacher to take ahold of this and run with it.

  2. Ed Sanders on February 21, 2007 at 10:53 am

    p.s. Bonnie Noble would look real foxy in one of those black Satan gowns.

  3. Rich Miller on February 21, 2007 at 11:01 am

    I wonder who’s funding the baby-eating bicycle trail cultists?

    Could it be… I don’t know… Perhaps…

    SATAN???

    I think it’s high time that the cultists reveal whether Satan is financing their blogs, because Satanic-funded cult blogs are definitely “not in the public interest of Peoria residents.”

    Keep digging, Billy boy. I’m sure there’s a link. There’s gotta be. Why, just the other day some guy said his cousin talked to a dude who swears he knows somebody who overheard some homeless woman in a bar say that Satan is pumping money and staff into the trail debate. I WANT TO BELIEVE!!!

    The horror… The horror.

  4. Anon E. Mouse on February 21, 2007 at 11:08 am

    They are all memebrs of the C.I.S.S. Army.

    Cyclists In Satan’s Service

  5. BeanCounter on February 21, 2007 at 2:29 pm

    I know it is true. Baby eaters every last one of them. You cannot in good conscience support a trail. I beg of you, think of the children.

  6. Adam Robillard on February 22, 2007 at 2:28 pm

    This is a great find. Keep up the great work. I’m off to ride my bike in East Peoria, because we all know “All trails lead Away from Peoria”