Local: Food that sticks to your ribs, whether you want it to or not
In yet another example of the sort of journalistic excellence you have come to expect from this site, I made a pilgrimage to West Main Street. I visited the Gaslight II, one of the taverns in Peoria that is supposedly in danger of losing their restaurant style liquor license because they aren’t meeting the requirement that 25 percent of their receipts from food sales.
As I noted the other day, they’ve got a sandwich board in front of the joint promoting the “rib sandwich” lunch on it’s lunch menu.
I wanted to get to the heart of the controversy, so I went in. For background, I used to live within a block of the place several years ago. This was at least two sets of owners ago. I always meant to visit the joint, but I never seemed to get around to it. I’ve been to the neighborhoods two nearby karaoke bars, though, and I friggin’ gate karaoke.
I walked in and right away was attracted to the stark interior. Aside from a few mirrors, posters and other beer company accoutrement, the place looked pretty austere. Take away the video game, and I think it would look pretty much like it did in the 1950s.
Behind the bar were several new or newly used shiny metal devices I was told were going to be used as their “kitchen,” once the inspectors gave their approval. The pretty, tattooed brunette behind the bar chatted with me about the bureaucratic runaround that goes with opening a business. She and her husband are co-owners, she said. We didn’t discuss the licensing issues so much, though.
It turned out that the only thing on the lunch menu was that day’s special, the “rib sandwich.” Even though I am assured that this joint has been getting along with a pizza oven as its only kitchen, they were plumb out of frozen pizza for the moment. So, I got the “rib sandwich” (you’ll see why I’m using scare quotes in a moment) special, with my choice of chips and a soda. I would have liked to have gotten actual potato chips, but the only choice seemed to be between Doritos and Cheetos. Feeling the need to live up to the blogger stereotype, I chose Doritos.
Then the “rib sandwich” came. I was expecting something along the lines of a prime rib sandwich. I suppose the $3.50 price should have tipped me off, but what I got was nothing like a prime rib sandwich. It was a freekin’ fake McRib sandwich.
Long-time readers know of my love for the McRib Sandwich and my desire to eventually retire from the blogging business and travel the country by bus, following the McRib on its “for a limited time only tour” around the country.*
Well, this might have looked like a McRib, but was no McRib. A real McRib is made out of real pork, molded and pressed into a form someone reminiscent of a slab of ribs. This thing might have been molded and pressed into a form someone reminiscent of a slab of ribs, but it wasn’t made our of real pork, or at least the parts of a pig people don’t mind eating. If of you go down to the Aldi’s or the Save-A-Lot, you will find this style of “rib sandwich” in the frozen dinner section, six for $3.99 or something like that.
The bun was too hot and mushy on parts and too hard on other parts, like it had been microwaved. Microwaved! It came covered in whatever third-rate BBQ sauce the frozen “rib sandwich” meat was shipped in. A little dab of grocery-store-bought squeeze bottle of BBQ sauce made it edible, barely.
And of course there was no pickle. And no onions.
On the plus side, the Doritos were fresh. And she refilled my glass without having to be asked.
The bartender/co-owner, of course, knew that she served up a crappy excuse for a lunch, and assured me twice that they plan to offer very tasty meals once their kitchen is up and running. One can only hope.
I left a five dollar bill on the counter and told her to keep the change. I mean, what the Hell. She was nice looking and was wearing a belly shirt. I want to encourage that sort of thing.
The entertainment was nice, too. No karaoke, which for some reason required a separate entertainment license. Instead, I watched television with the sound off. Honestly, I didn’t know that the guy who played Screech on “Saved by the Bell” was on “Celebrity Fit Club” with the chick who played Marcia Brady. I almost never get to watch trashy cable shows.
You learn something new every day when you are an intrepid citizen journalist like myself.
* I hear that McRib is coming back at the end of this month. One can only pray and hope for the best.
Billy Dennis is a former reporter and editor at small daily and weekly newspapers in Illinois and Missouri. He comments on media, news and politics. He also owns and operates 
Well, if they can sell 25% of their revenues in food via a microwave and pizza oven, what is the big deal unless the liquor license requires them to have a “full service”, commercial kitchen?
It has been awhile, so let me drag this from the back of my mind. When I opened my restaurant you had to apply for a federal liquor permit, then get a preliminary health department inspection, (which included a detailed plan of how food, raw, prepped and cooked would be transported through the facility), correct what was wrong, get your health department permit, then (unless you wanted to wait many weeks) drive to Springfield to get your state liquor permit, then downtown Peoria to get your city liquor permit. Then, unless you wanted to wait until it was “your normal delivery day”, you drove around to most of the liquor distributors to get what you needed. Sigh. Of course, if you are going to have entertainment, outside dining, etc., those are all extra “side permits” you must obtain, at additional cost, from the City of Peoria. Heavier sigh.
I’ve been waiting for this place to open as the upper main street equivalent of Sullivans for a long time now, as promised. Only when this showed up in the news a few days ago did I even realize that they were actually open. Wha’ppen’?
Alright, let me tell you how easy it is to sell 25% food. I worked at a bar in college that had to have at least 50% food to alcohol ratio. Install 4 fryers, or 2 if its a smaller place, a refrigerator/freezer. There are probably 100 items you can fry from frozen-that taste great. The refrigerator will hold all the dipping sauces and garnishes. The health department will approve foods from frozen, much easier and faster-than having raw items, and you rarely have to worry about waste/spoilage. Its simple and effective, and its common sense to have these items at the bar.
mmmm… McRib….snore…snore…Milla Jovovich….snore…McRib
Can’t wait to get this cruise over !
Mister Johnny, OUT!
[...] corner of Main and Bourland. Maybe I ought to have a taste test between an authentic McRib and that soggy imitation they served me at the Gaslight II the other [...]